I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
