Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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