i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
