I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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