Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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