yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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