Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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