He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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