he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
