I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
