So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
