I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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