I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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