What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
