Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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