what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
