some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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