One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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