my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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