My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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