Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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