i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is it because I queefed?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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