I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
where are my eyebrows?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
