don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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