Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
