Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
