so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
