ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i barfeds in our rink
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
