I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
