DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
