Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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