Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
