Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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