All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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