dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
