Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
drinking out of a sandbucket again
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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