I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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