i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
