i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
well, you know. whores of a feather.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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