I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
