The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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