ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
