I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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