Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
