Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
