Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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