jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
