and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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