Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
