He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
