But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize