Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
