i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
