I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
