Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
