Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
