I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
