we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
