Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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