Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
