the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
