so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
