My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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