Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
