my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
