1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The maid of honor just puked.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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