right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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