new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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