The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
