so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
